JK Full Circle USA rant

Before I get into gear let me apologise to Loisiana. I realised after a few hours sleep and some pondering once I hit the nice smooth roads of Mississippi and Alabama that Loisiana have problems no amount of hard work will fix. The flippin’ WATER! Of course! Those roads buckle and sag due to wetland sag! I forgive you Louisiana…

Now all you Loisiana riders go by a big trailie. Ahhhhh.

My rant.

Today’s rant is about USA traffic lights. I am sure I have seen skeletons of starved people in SUVs at traffic lights. They change once a month IF the guvment is on top of things. I time your flippin’ lights with my temp gauge. I roll up at 170F. 4 hours later at the same junction, with no cars spotted for 3 3/4 hours, it reads 30000F and the ONLY vehicle (pronounced Vee-HIckle in USA) is a cop car watching me from the cool underpass.

I watched at city lights. It turns green eventually. Nothing. Nichts. Zilch. Then SLOWLY a bumber moves toward the ground. The 1989 Buick 88 starts to move… I look at the date on my watch…it’s Monday.

By Tuesday that car should signal left and pull the lanyard to indicate it wishes to turn left before Wednesday. QE2 is finally leaving the docks. I so want to do an Evil Knievil and ride over their Opera-House vinyl roofs but that black and white car with the doughnuts and coffee on the dash bristling with guns prevents me.

Thursday. 1 Buick 88, an Eldorado and a Mazda 3 got through. The Mazda took 1.3 seconds. Friday. I am first in line but the cops are back and looking mean. The guns are on the dashboard. The light changes and I let out the smoking clutch. I reach 23 mph when I hear the sirens and see the lights. I was way too fast.

“Watcherhoory boy?” he says. The problem is that you Americans use automatic cars. Just like your motels and fast-food chains that give you a STRAW to stir coffee (Oh THAT will work, right Mr. bean-counter!) you use auto boxes with hydraulic clutches.

As the straw SLOWLY gets the coffee going clockwise so your liquid clutches SLOWLY turn the gears. Signal Monday, Start Tuesday, finish turn Wednesday. No WONDER you all start at 5am and arrive home at 8pm…